Weary

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened. and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

Sounds entriguing and it sounds like an escape from life itself! I sit here tonight writing this blog as if it were a "Dear Santa" letter. I'll hit the post button and know that no one will see it but I feel relief for having sent it.

If anyone is out there and reads this, I would like to know why my God is sometimes not enough. Perhaps it is the humaness of it all. Where is my "other half"? Worse yet is being in a relationship and feeling completely alone. Fighting for the two when there is more often only one. Perhaps it is the power of my mind. They say that what you think is then what you become. I believe that I can make myself miserable and yet I strongly dislike that position. I am a happy and outgoing or bubbly individual in nature. I love the outdoors and never drive with the windows closed. I need that fresh air and wind in my hair. I have a smile ready for anyone and love to laugh and hate to cry. Yet, more oft than not, I cry and don't laugh anymore.

I sit, in the evenings on my porch and listen to the wonders of creation as they drift away to greet another day. I lean back and look up at the awesome sky and cry within myself....Lord, how long until I am home someplace? Where am I supposed to be and how long until I get there? What are you waiting for me to do? What do I have to change?

I do have to laugh because I know that His timing is perfect but ...MAN! I'm getting restless and my heart is longing to be uninhibited. I have been told, more than once, that I don't know how to love. Perhaps that is true and this is how I am supposed to learn. I don't want my life to complete me, I just want more to look forward to at the end of the day and at the beginning of the day. Perhaps my lack of loving has reared its head at this point because I have avalanched enough lives with my own destruction.

Whatever the cause, Lord, I'm ready for it to begin a new. Can you rebuild the bridges I have blown apart? I know you can. Is that why you lay things so heavy on my heart? (Heavy and scary thoughts that I should revisit this oprtion of my life?)

I know, I know. Let go and let God. Well.....

I'm trying really really hard.