Revealed

I spent the other night up at my church at the piano and singing. I felt that was the best place for me to be. One of my favorite songs in "His Eye in On the Sparrow" and as I sang the words, I was reminded that the author was feeling many of the same feelings I felt that night.

"Why should I feel discouraged?"
"Why should the shadows come?"
"Why should my heart be lonely and long for heaven and home?"
"Whenever I am tempted, whenever clouds arise, when songs give place to sighing, when hope within me dies."

All these things are the things I have been feeling and wondering and heavy with. Not just the lack of a mate, but rather the light to fuel my passions. The feeling of being out of place often overpowers my drive to live in the place where I am. I am often amazed at how awkward a space this is. I am constantly reminded of my place in the ever present pecking order here. I do long to be "home" someplace and I am sure that the only place that will ever be home to me, is heaven.

So the answer I was reminded of?

"My constant Friend is He."
"Let not your heart be troubled"; His tender word I hear. And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubt and fears. Tho' by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see, His Eye is on the Sparrow and I know He watches me.
"I should draw the closer to Him; because from care He sets me free. His Eye is on the Sparrow, and I know He watches me."

What a wonderful reminder of who we are and how He relates to us humanly, even though sometimes we may not think so.

Weary

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened. and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

Sounds entriguing and it sounds like an escape from life itself! I sit here tonight writing this blog as if it were a "Dear Santa" letter. I'll hit the post button and know that no one will see it but I feel relief for having sent it.

If anyone is out there and reads this, I would like to know why my God is sometimes not enough. Perhaps it is the humaness of it all. Where is my "other half"? Worse yet is being in a relationship and feeling completely alone. Fighting for the two when there is more often only one. Perhaps it is the power of my mind. They say that what you think is then what you become. I believe that I can make myself miserable and yet I strongly dislike that position. I am a happy and outgoing or bubbly individual in nature. I love the outdoors and never drive with the windows closed. I need that fresh air and wind in my hair. I have a smile ready for anyone and love to laugh and hate to cry. Yet, more oft than not, I cry and don't laugh anymore.

I sit, in the evenings on my porch and listen to the wonders of creation as they drift away to greet another day. I lean back and look up at the awesome sky and cry within myself....Lord, how long until I am home someplace? Where am I supposed to be and how long until I get there? What are you waiting for me to do? What do I have to change?

I do have to laugh because I know that His timing is perfect but ...MAN! I'm getting restless and my heart is longing to be uninhibited. I have been told, more than once, that I don't know how to love. Perhaps that is true and this is how I am supposed to learn. I don't want my life to complete me, I just want more to look forward to at the end of the day and at the beginning of the day. Perhaps my lack of loving has reared its head at this point because I have avalanched enough lives with my own destruction.

Whatever the cause, Lord, I'm ready for it to begin a new. Can you rebuild the bridges I have blown apart? I know you can. Is that why you lay things so heavy on my heart? (Heavy and scary thoughts that I should revisit this oprtion of my life?)

I know, I know. Let go and let God. Well.....

I'm trying really really hard.

Life, Death, Renewal

Funny thing about death. When it happens, whether expected or unexpected, near or far, we have a moment when we look up and ask God "Why?". It is the process of life and as Christians we have hope and promise and even joy when we know that a loved one has gone on to be with our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ and His heavenly Father. Only God knows the day and time that we will leave this present earth. Only He knows where our hearts will be when it happens. For me, I am secure in knowing that when I pass away I will be heading home. A final place where there will be no more pain, whether physical, mental, emotional; no pain. I don't even have to pack a bag! No more living out of boxes and anticipating another move or change of job - nothing. I can hardly imagine what that alone will be like. At the same time, I must look at life as it is now and realize that I have an assignment, as a child of God, to share His love and radiate His light. How well do I accomplish that? Sometimes not so much!


I have a girlfriend who has been seeking the Lord for guidance in her life and took a step in a new direction without any kind of affirmation except trusting that she was doing the right thing. She followed the statement "Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1 We don't need to have a neon sign blinking to guarantee us of what the Lord wants us to do with our lives. Faith is not always, hardly ever, a tangible thing. but because she has been seeking and searching and staying in communication with her Heavenly Father about His will for her life and not her will for her life, she gets more and more radiant and beautiful. The peace and joy you see when you look at her are plain to see. "So in every thing gives thanks." No matter what.

So as I remember the life of one lost; one I don't know will be in heaven, I thank my God for the hope and promises I hold in my heart for my own life and the lives of those He has put around me who are also His children. I pray for those who will see us mourn and who are not saved and hopefully they will want to have the same hope. I pray for renewal of life as well as healing for those with hope.



Grieve with no fear for your God is near.