Today I hit my knees in frustration. Frustrated with myself that I am torn between staying home and being a wife and mother and wanting to go back to work to make money for the house. Frustrated because I loose my temper with my Jack Russels and fear I will do the same with my child and then carry through with the life I had as a child. I don't want to be the bad reflection of my past to my daughter. I want to teach her to be giving, kind, responsible, creative and full of grace. People do not come after you intentionally (for the most part). I believe that people just want to be included and feel important and part of something so they lash out in response to someone who can look, act and feel secure in thier own corner of the world.

Lord, you are the only one in control of everything. I am but a vessel. I await you to see what you will do in my life and my families life. Paul told us about how we can plant the seed and water it, but you alone make it grow. How very true that is and how often we forget that we are not in control. Lord, I surrender to you my temper, my will. Please highten my awareness of you and what I should do to grow this gift you have given me.

Promises and Punishment

I read the book of Joel this morning. I was impressed at the severity and desperation that Joel spoke to the people of Judah. They continued to disregard the Lord and the warnings. To the point of famine they diregarded. There were so many locusts. There were four different varieties, to be exact. The locust swarm, the great locusts, the young locusts and the "other" locusts. Whatever one variety left behind, the others would eat. There was no wine, vines, grains, etc. Even the wild animals were looking for food. The entire area was suffering because this people were so stubborn and would not come back to the Lord. Have you ever paid attention to locusts when they come? They are ugly, loud and destructive. It is so amazing a creature. They burrow down deep into the soil and stay there for up to 14 years with no food or water. It's really no wonder they are so destructive when they come out. We would be too if we hadn't eaten in that long!!!
Has God given up or are the punishments now longer lasting and more permanent? Has He taken His hand off this country? Look at the leadership He has put in place currently and the diseases that we are battling...cancer in particular. We are blocked from finding a cure and every year more and more people fall victim to this disease.
Finally, I found it particularly interesting that the Lord promises that Jerusalem will never be invaded by foreigners again. It doesn't say a time frame for that promise, and there are no restrictions so I wonder if Israel still holds hope in that promise? Have you ever been to Israel or Jerusalem specifically? How close are we to end times, I wonder.

Clean Slates

My devotions this morning were a reminder of how Christ, with His unending supply of grace and unconditional love, gives us clean slates. I have spent many any hour or day going over my mistakes and my sins. I have reviewed and rerun my actions over and over. I have been told by several people in my life that I am harder on myself than anyone will ever be. Probably that is normal for most of us. I spent hours on my knees literally crying out to God for forgiveness with a repentant heart for sins I have committed. Things I felt that were unforgiveable.

He asks that we "confess our sins" and then states that "He is faithful and Just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (I John 1:9) We sin on a daily basis. No matter if we became a Christian yesterday or 20 years ago. Christ dwelling in us does not eliminate us from sinning. He will highten our awareness and make our conscience more sensitive to doing wrong as the Holy Spirit nudges us, but does not make us an exception. We don't have to repeatedly ask for forgiveness for sins, nor does that mean that God will hold it over our heads forever. We definately will suffer the consequences of our sins. His forgiveness does not remove that responsibility, but it allows us to come to God in prayer with a humble heart and a heart full of praise rather that guilt.

Life is too short to live it looking back at what we've done. Rather, let's look ahead at what opportunities we have today and tomorrow to use our gifts and share the Hope that lies within us this season. The hope of new life, life eternal and love everlasting.